Thoughts and Observations: Puerto Rico Edition

Flipping channels in between innings of the Sox game on a Sunday afternoon and what do you find…

3pm: The polls have closed in the territory of Puerto Rico! As expected, Senator Hillary Clinton is your winner. And the margin is big.

Matthews, Olbermann, Russert, Norah, Buchanan, the entire cast has been called in for this. I must ask…why?

3:02: Tim Russert: This result today means absolutely, positively, less than nothing. (That is me paraphrasing. He says it much more eloquently, but you get the idea. Do the Clintons?)

So…Puerto Rico can vote in the primary but not in the general election? WTF? Who came up with these ridiculous rules? Can we trust the Democrats to rule? I really have my doubts.

Russert raises the obvious and at the same time scary hypothetical question: If Obama passes on Hillary as VP, does John McCain himself look to a woman in order to pour gas on this fire? This is the question that should be on every Democrat’s mind. Hillary cannot be trusted on the ticket, but can her supporters be trusted if she is off it? Geraldine Ferraro would have American women embark on a suicide mission to vote for McCain in spite of Barack Obama, a mission that at the same time would eventually condemn every American woman who finds herself in need of a safe, legal, and rare abortion. Hillary’s cause has nothing to do with feminism—and shame on any so-called feminist who claims otherwise. You are embarrassing yourselves.

3:10: Live from San Juan, it’s Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe! DEAR GOD WHY? Can I justify drinking at this hour of the afternoon?

Meanwhile, in Baltimore: Manny hits homerun number 501, almost to the exact spot where he cranked number 500 last night. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Manny Ramirez is the most entertaining athlete of my lifetime. No one before him has combined talent and goofiness quite the same way. You honestly never know what he is going to do. A great play is always just as likely as a boneheaded screw up.

Meanwhile, in San Juan: I flip back just in time to hear McAuliffe whip out the third person. “Don’t take Terry McAuliffe’s word for it.” Good advice Terry—I sure won’t. He accuses MSNBC of being eager to “pop corks” for an Obama win…and follows that up by refusing to promise Hillary will make any sort of concession speech once Barack reaches the magic number of 2118 delegates. The Hillary Clinton campaign…its FANtastic!

3:18: Charlie the dog has to pee. We’re off to the backyard.

3:21: We’re back, and the dog has an empty bladder.

3:30: Chuck Todd is here and he has the latest delegate math! Official NBC tabulations have Obama within 50 delegates of the nomination. Is that light at the end of this tunnel or only a reflection off the snake oil Terry McAuliffe is peddling? We may never know.

3:34: Matthews and Olbermann share a laugh about the Philadelphia Phillies’ late season collapse in 1964. Yes, that is the kind of keen political analysis you get when Puerto Rico goes to the polls.

3:37: It’s the panel! Rachel Maddow makes the case that Hillary’s popular vote argument is, in a word, crap. She is ahead in the popular vote only if you don’t count the caucuses in Washington, Maine, Guam, the Virgin Islands, and of the mysterious “Democrats Abroad”—all contests won by Senator Obama. The money quote: “It’s absurd!”

Pat Buchanan’s rebuttal: “You are whistling past the graveyard” and “Democrats everywhere better stock up on booze for November.” I hear you, Patrick. Loud and clear.

3:45: Russert is back, and his prognostication for Clinton is grim: “The Clintons have 48 hours to enjoy this victory and to play up the popular vote. By Wednesday morning this thing is going to be over. The math is the math.” That makes sense. I’d like to think the Clintons know that. I’d like to, but…

3:52: Ohio Congresswoman and Clintonista Stephanie Tubbs Jones makes an appearance. I knew nothing of Jones before this campaign began, and recently I’ve discovered that I was quite happier that way. True to form, she attacks Matthews for failing to give Clinton, “the respect she deserves following her tremendous victory in Puerto Rico.” I’m shaking my head in disbelief that even a Clinton partisan could describe winning Puerto Rico as a “tremendous victory”. Then we’re quickly back to the tired talking point arguments about the (no-longer) disputed Michigan primary. This interview was both pathetic and embarrassing, and it was almost enough to make me feel sorry for Rep. Jones. Almost.

4pm: BREAKING NEWS: Senator Obama has called Senator Clinton to congratulate her on her (tremendous) victory in Puerto Rico. This is a classy move—Clinton and McAuliffe should take notes.

4:17: Obama addresses his supporters at the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota. Honest to god.

He congratulates Clinton on her victory but stops short of calling it “tremendous.” Obama urges the crowd to do the same and is given an icy silence in return. I don’t get the sense that these internal party rifts are going to be healed anytime soon.

Meanwhile, in Baltimore: Manny gets doubled up on a fly ball to the outfield. What was I saying earlier about boneheaded plays?

4:33: Obama is still talking at the Corn Palace. We’ve gotten the greatest hits so far: The gas tax holiday is bullshit, free trade should be fair trade, my healthcare plan is better, and Geraldine Ferraro is a jackass. Alright…I made that last one up.

4:41: It is all over in Baltimore. Sox win! Sox win! Sox win! And Bartolo Colon has returned from the scrap heap to quietly go 3-0. I’ll take it.

4:45: Obama wraps up his remarks. This became a good speech at the end. He told a funny story about meeting a lady from the Greenville (SD?) city council who is known locally for her ability to always start a chant. Not knowing this, he had no idea how to react when she looked at him, smiled, and yelled, “FIRE IT UP!” You know…I would not quite know how to take that either.

Matthews seizes on his early use of the word “entitlement” as a not-so-veiled shot at Clinton. And he’s probably right, but at this point I would argue that no one can take too many not-so-veiled shots at Hillary Clinton. In fact, we should all make it a point to take a not-so-veiled shot at Clinton. I’ll go first:

Obviously, I think we would all agree that Senator Clinton should be respected for running such a tough campaign. If, you know, we discount the fact that she blew such a commanding early lead. Or that she has so badly mismanaged her finances that there may be legitimate charges of fraud coming. Or that her campaign displayed absolutely no ability to control Bill Clinton. Or that they had no plan after February 5th other than to play the victim, race-bait, and cry sexism. But other than that, sure, she ran a fantastic campaign and deserves our respect.

Yeah…maybe just using the word entitlement is a bit more veiled than that. Opinions, no doubt, will vary.

4:51: Obama supporter David Boniol arrives just in time to deliver the line of the day in the form of an Abbot and Costello reference:

Abbot: “If you have $50 in one pocket and $100 in the other, what do you have?”

Costello: “Somebody else’s pants!”

Seriously, Puerto Rico should vote more often.

5pm: The news breaks that Senator Clinton is scheduled to speak at 5:15. Lucky for me I don’t plan on sticking around that long. This has already been two hours of my life I’ll never have back.

Back on Tuesday for South Dakota and Montana and, finally, the end of this primary season.