Friday, June 27, 2008

Ninjas

They are hiding in New Jersey.

Who decides to lock down a school because there are reports of Ninjas in the woods? Is there a large Ninja problem in New Jersey? We deserve to know.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

17! 17! 17!

I was ten years old when the Boston Celtics last won a world championship. It was their 16th title, an almost obscene number in a league that, at the time, had only been around for roughly 40 years. No one knew then, nor had any reason to suspect, that they would go without another championship for 22 years. The reasons why are many, but this morning they are unimportant.

What is important is that the drought finally ended last night, that Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen, Kendrick Perkins, Rajon Rondo, Leon Powe, PJ Brown, Big Baby Davis, Tony Allen, James Posey, Eddie House, Sam Cassell, and Coach Doc Rivers are finally champions.

And because of that, because of this great team that won 66 games in the regular season, 16 more in the playoffs, returning basketball to relevance again in the city of Boston along the way, because of all that we as a region get to update our lexicon of sports phrases. They are no longer "The 16 time NBA Champion Boston Celtics." Last night when the buzzer sounded for the final time these Celtics became "The 17 time NBA Champion Boston Celtics."

I like the way that sounds.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Quick Hits

On Patti Solis Doyle: OK, enough. How, exactly, is Barack Obama’s hiring of this Hillary Clinton castoff a slap in the former candidate’s face? Solis Doyle may have been no prize as a campaign staffer, true, but she is also not the reason Senator Clinton's campaign failed. Mark Penn, Terry McAuliffe, Bill Clinton and, most importantly, the candidate herself all shoulder more responsibility for this defeat than does Patti Solis Doyle. She is a Democratic political operative in an election year that features $4 gasoline and skyrocketing inflation. We all need a job right now. Why should Patti Solis Doyle be any different? Shouldn’t Obama's willingness to hire Clintonistas be seen as an attempt to unify what is clearly still a fractured party? Obama should be commended for this, not condemned. The crying and the outrage that is going on amongst Clinton supporters over this is a stretch at best. My advice is to keep looking for slights like this to justify your vote for John McCain in the fall, and then good luck finding a job in the new administration once Obama wins in spite of you. These people remind me daily why I could never be a Democrat. You could safely say that I am outraged by their phony outrage. It is outrageous.

On the ESPN Ombudsman: Le Anne Schreiber tackled the issue of Spygate and the role ESPN played in perpetuating the story in her column last week. It is, for the most part, a fair, balanced, and accurate description of a network that allowed itself to go overboard in covering a story that turned out to be much less than advertised. The one area where Schreiber misses the boat is in her refusal to call out ESPN.com columnist Gregg Easterbrook. Easterbrook never missed an opportunity to attack Bill Belichick and the NFL throughout the 2007 season, and was given a hat-tip in each of Mike Fish’s articles from Hawaii concerning Matt Walsh during Super Bowl week. Since that time, Easterbrook has regularly referenced another shoe that would soon be dropping concerning Spygate. Once it was revealed that Walsh was a fraud who had nothing new to add to the story, Easterbrook refused to back off or admit any error in is his reporting. His response to the Walsh news was to write that it didn’t matter, that Bill Belichick had never been properly punished and needed to be suspended, despite the fact that the coach had already been fined $500,000 and the team had lost a first round draft choice. Schreiber defends this by arguing Easterbrook and his readers were experiencing only a difference in opinion. She lets him off much too easy concerning the rest of his conduct.

On Tiger Woods: I don’t care.

On Al Gore: That was a great endorsement speech last night, one of the better ones in recent memory. In hindsight, I am glad that you opted to pass on another run at the White House. You’ve become quite the statesman over these last few years, and are now respected both here and abroad in a way Bill Clinton no longer is. Who would have ever though that possible? But Al, really, couldn’t you have spoken up a little sooner? If you had made this speech back in February, when Obama was busy racking up eleven victories in a row and the Clintons were busy imploding, it may have helped to bring an earlier end to this campaign. You were right on Iraq, you were right on global warming, and even though you eventually lost you were right to dispute that election. Where would we be today if it had gone the other way?

On the NBA Finals: Could tonight be the night? Sloppy play in Los Angeles has hidden the fact that of the Lakers two victories there both featured either Bennett Salvatore or Dick Bavetta. When you can not only predict who the referees will be but also their impact on results long before the games are even played it illustrates what an enormous problem the NBA has on its hands right now. This series was once a lock to go seven games. Given the last week and the stories that have come out, it may suddenly be better for all involved if this wraps up in six.

Beat LA!

UPDATE: The NBA released the names of tonight’s referees as I went to post this. Bennett Salvatore and Joey Crawford (who sat our last year’s playoffs while on suspension for challenging Tim Duncan to a fight) will both be in the house. David Stern and ABC both want a 7th game. Here is hoping they will learn to live with disappointment.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

On Russert

This news has not yet fully sunk in, nor has the idea that Tim Russert will not be moderating Meet the Press tomorrow morning. Death always brings out flowery tributes and embellished evaluations of the deceased’s impact on the world around them, but in the case of Tim Russert and his impact on the world of political journalism, each and every word is true.

It was Russert, long before anyone else on election night 2000, who realized it would be Florida, Florida, Florida that decided the election.

It was Russert who sat across from Vice President Dick Cheney on the eve of the Iraq war and came closer than anyone else to asking the tough questions to which this administration was perhaps prepared to lie in response to.

It was Russert who declared the race between Obama and Clinton to be over, weeks before there was any sort of concession.

To simply say he will be missed is of course an understatement. Meet the Press is the longest running program in the history of this country, dating back to its days on radio. Long before there was Tim Russert there was Meet the Press…but it is hard this morning to imagine Meet the Press now going forward without him.

Sunday mornings and election nights will never quite be the same again. We have truly lost one of the all-time greats.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Tim Russert

Oh. My. God.

Tim Russert, dead at 58.

Russert was an institution unto himself. There is no one more knowledgeable about American politics working in our media today. Meet The Press has been required watching for me for years. I am truly stunned right now.

You will be missed, Tim, so very much. Sunday mornings will never be quite the same again.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

The Officials Are Officially Official

We have our referee assignments for tonight. Bennett Salvatore, as predicted here yesterday and in front of my TV on Sunday night, will be in the house.

The Boston Celtics are about to get fucked over.

Good Reads

E.J. Dionne on why my man Joe Biden should be at the top of Barack Obama’s VP short list. Biden has consistently been one of the few Democrats to appear confident and comfortable discussing foreign policy, and he would bring that confidence to the ticket. Obama could do much, much worse than Biden.

Froma Harrop on why it is OK for Clinton supporters to back John McCain. Honest to god, her point is that he would never, ever, stack the court with conservative judges and try to overturn Roe. Remember—if you make this mistake then these next four years will be your fault. The choice is yours.

Richard Cohen on what the anti-Hillary media, pundit crowd, and blogosphere will do now that she is out of the race. (Is that me in the mirror?)

NBA aficionado/writer/guru Bob Ryan on why the Lakers will get every call tonight. If Los Angeles fails to win this particular game it will signify a shocking turn of events.

Curt Schilling, he of the selfless “bloody sock” episode, on that certain something Kobe Bryant seems to be missing.

This is a bit dated now, but Bill Simmons checks in with his NBA Finals preview and sheds a little light on the Phil Jackson/Kobe Bryant relationship along the way.

Ken Berger on why the 2-3-2 format, used only in the Finals, needs to go. Where does David Stern get the balls to blame this travesty on Red Auerbach? Almost more importantly, how is the name “Auerbach” not in Word’s dictionary? WTF?

Finally, Peggy Noonan’s column is a staple of this list. She appears every Friday in The Wall Street Journal and is currently writing commentary better than anyone else in America. You should be checking it out.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Quick Hits

A few quick hits to take your mind off this hazy, hot, and humid Monday in June...

On the NBA Finals: Words cannot properly describe what a fantastic matchup this is. I grew up watching Larry Bird vs. Magic Johnson, and reading about Bill Russell vs. Wilt Chamberlain. I’ve watched Phil Jackson slowly creep up on, and finally tie, Red Auerbach’s record of nine titles as a head coach. At the same time, I’ve watched the Celtics fall first into disarray and then into irrelevance. No one would have bet a year ago that when Jackson’s next shot at number ten came along it would be the Boston Celtics who stood in his way. This is that rarest of matchups in sports where all the hype, all of it, is true. This really is that good.

And if you are still not sold consider this: The Celtics have 16 world championships. The Lakers have 14 world championships. There have been 61 total world championships in league history. You do the math.

On the Referees: NBA officiating is absolutely terrible, the worst of any major sport. Last night’s game 2 has been widely criticized due to a perceived impartiality towards the home team, and there may be something to that. Ken Mauer and Dan Crawford, two of the three officials on the floor last night, are both on the not-so-short list of incompetent (or corrupt) referees the NBA is currently employing. No game should have such a vast disparity in the number of free throw attempts between teams. But that said, the Lakers have looked to be nothing more than a soft jump-shooting team in these first two games. If you are looking for foul shots then you should be driving to the basket. LA goes home down 0-2, but with the knowledge that they will be the home team for the next three games. Look for a steady diet of Bennett Salvatore and Dick Bavetta on Tuesday and Thursday to ensure this series does not end in 4 or 5 games. The NBA and ABC both know there is far too much money left to be made to let that happen.

On Black Mamba: Kobe Bryant…you are not now, nor will you ever be, the “greatest player on the planet”. There is no doubt that you have great skills. There is no doubt that you were a key component on three world championship teams. But all the great players—Russell, Magic, Bird, Jordan, etc.—all the great players before you have made the players around them, the component parts of the team, better. After watching your Lakers these last two games it is clear that no one’s game is being raised by your own. That is what Shaquille O’Neal did for you…and what you have failed to do since you chased him out of town.

On Bill Plaschke: Anyone who has seen you ruin ESPN’s Around The Horn with your whining and phony liberalism knows you shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Your column in the LA Times is not much better. But you crossed the line on Friday when you accused Paul Pierce of faking his knee injury in game 1. You had no evidence to back up your claim. No actual reporting was done to check the facts. But that didn’t stop you, Bill. By Sunday you had made the situation worse. Instead of admitting that you may have been wrong, or showing any signs of regret at all, you chose to lash out at the Boston fans that had predictably filled your inbox with various insults. You were not being singled out, Bill, you were being called out for making up a story. How dare you then try to play the victim.

Speaking of victims…

On Hillary Clinton: Your concession speech on Saturday may have been graceful. It may have been respectful. It may have even, to some, been believable. But the reality is that no matter how beautiful the speech, it was far too little and much too late. You had one last chance to do the right thing on Tuesday—and you wasted it. Now you are faced with a no-win situation. An Obama victory would almost certainly crush any chance you have left to one day be president, but an Obama defeat would leave you with Democratic blood on your hands. Your sins these last few months are not going to be forgotten.

On ABC: Wow. Your coverage of these NBA playoffs has rivaled CBS’ coverage of the NFL for worst in recent memory. The trio of Mike Breen, Jeff Van Gundy, and Mark Jackson has been brutal to listen to. In fact, it is highly questionable how much of the game of basketball lead play-by-play man Mike Breen even understands. Fouls are missed or blatantly ignored. (Case in point was last night’s technical foul on Kevin Garnett in the first quarter—we’re still waiting to see what happened.) The Lakers last night, to their credit, almost pulled off one of the greatest comebacks in history. Down 26 points at one point in the fourth quarter, they refused to quit, rallied, battled back, and cut the deficit in half before Mike Breen even realized circumstances were changing and he should stop pretending the game was over. It was an embarrassing performance, both by ABC and the Celtic defense. Where is Marv Albert when we need him?

On Predictions: Nope, sorry, not gonna be making one this time around. This series could still go either way. It’ll be fun enough just to enjoy the ride.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Steinem for Obama

Good for Gloria Steinem. She was as guilty as anyone last January of enabling Hillary to abuse feminism as a crutch—it is good to she is trying to send the message that this battle is over.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Thoughts and Observations: South Dakota and Montana Edition

7:15pm: We are coming to you LIVE from Fenway Park in Boston, the states of Montana and South Dakota, the cities of St. Paul, Minnesota and Kenner, Louisiana, and from a basement somewhere in New York City! I’m joined tonight by special correspondents Sam Adams and Charlie the dog. Yes, it’s true—all the big guns have been brought in to watch history in the making.

7:21: Chris Matthews accuses Hillary Clinton of “running” for Vice President following her earlier comments to the New York congressional delegation (during what was supposed to be an off-the-record conference call) that she would be “open” to the idea of being Barack Obama’s running mate. Newsweek's Howard Fineman makes the point that no conference call in history has ever been off-the-record because there is so little control over who can get on. I would argue that Hillary is smart, very smart, and that she knew those comments today would ignite a media inferno, keep her relevant in this evening’s news cycle, and diminish what is about to be a historic accomplishment by Obama. Is that just me thinking the worst? 16 years of the Clintons will do that to you.

Meanwhile, at Fenway: Two strange twists of fate on this final night of the primary season. First, Justin Masterson has been recalled from Pawtucket and is making his second career start. His first start, you might remember, came two weeks ago on the night of Kentucky and Oregon. Second, Red Sox color man and local celebrity Jerry Remy was this afternoon dispatched to New Hampshire for an appearance with Governor John Lynch to promote the upcoming New Hampshire Day at Fenway. It was of course New Hampshire that bailed Clinton out back in January following her first bout of phony tears. This universe really is just a big snake feeding on its own tail.

7:30: Our first report from special correspondent Sam Adams, and Chuck Todd is here with the delegate math! Obama’s VP selection will be based on the cold, hard reality of the Electoral College map. Where does he need help and who can bring that help? Senator Chuck Hagel would be an across-the-aisle unity pick, and he may help the Dems pick up a vote or two in Nebraska. Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius has been mentioned ever since her response to the State of the Union back in January, but can she really turn Kansas blue? Indiana Senator Evan Bayh has also been rumored as a potential candidate for months…and Todd reports Indiana is one of those states that may be turning purple rather than red or blue. Oh the drama of it all!

Meanwhile, at Fenway: Sox third baseman Mike Lowell gets the Sox on the board with a 2-run homer. They now lead Tampa Bay 2-1. Apparently the kid Masterson has given up one hit—and that one hit is a home run.

7:36: The Hillary for VP sweepstakes is in full swing. Will her supporters be appeased by anything less? I should have been prepared for this. There was no way the Clintons were going to do the classy thing and just go away. Ugh…

Obama is 11 delegates away from the current magic number of 2118. When he clinches it will be a momentous and historic moment—a black man as nominee of a major political party for the first time in American history—but that will always be beside the point. The whole point of his campaign is that he is so much more than that. And if that becomes the story then he will lose. Make no mistake.

Meanwhile, at Fenway: Sox Appeal, a reality dating show produced by NESN during Sox games, is filming in right field. This is marketing gone wild.

7:55: BROKAW! He disagrees that Hillary is trying to “shoehorn” her way onto the ticket, despite the timely comments she let slip earlier in the day. Whatever.

8:03: Matthews references John McCain’s still-embargoed speech, which is now scheduled to be delivered at 8:30. It is all about Hillary, about the strength of the American woman, and about the evils of the American media. Matthews beats around the bush for three minutes, and then…

8:06: The embargo is broken! It was the media and the pundits who installed Obama as the nominee. They never properly respected Hillary. He is proud to call her his friend. McCain is going to pick up exactly where she left off, using tactics that are insulting to American women because he thinks they will work, and embarrassing to American women when they do. If you are a Clinton supporter who buys into this crap then these next four years will be your fault. It is just that simple.

8:10: We have a live look-in to the already packed arena in St. Paul. Obama won’t even speak for two more hours but they are already close to exceeding capacity. Matthews delivers an early contender for Line of the Night honors in regards to the upcoming GOP convention in St. Paul: “I hear Larry Craig is going to start his book tour at the airport there.” Ouch.

Meanwhile, at Fenway: JD Drew has overcome his bout with Vertigo to homer and put the Sox back up 3-2. Yes, you read that right. Vertigo. This guy should get some kind of award for the creative excuses he comes up with to take nights off. This isn’t like saying your grandmother has died four times—that is for amateurs. JD Drew is a pro.

8:30: Howard Fineman reports Obama will offer Clinton the Vice Presidency only if he is guaranteed beforehand that she will not take it. Personally, I would be suspect of any “guarantee” Hillary Clinton gave me. Especially if she brings along Terry McAuliffe to the meeting. Obama should give her the Michael Corleone offer. (“My offer is this: Nothing.”)

8:38: McCain opens his remarks by butchering the pronunciation of “New Orleans”. He enunciates each and every syllable and I think even adds an extra one. Yeah, John, that makes you sound like one of the people. And then it is full speed ahead in the praise of Hillary. He has three daughters, he is proud to call her his friend, her accomplishment has been remarkable, blah, blah, and blah. The crowd does not share his warm and fuzzy feelings for her, to say the least. The applause comes in at strange times and makes it seem like there are less than 15 people in the room with him. There is the very real chance that Obama is going to win this race going away—especially so if this is the version of John McCain he gets to run against.

8:44: The praise continues and I am thoroughly disgusted. So are many of his supporters. I deal with it by wrestling on the ground with Charlie. He wins.

Meanwhile, at Fenway: The Sox now trail 4-3. Not sure what happened. It is really easy to forget this Tampa Bay team is currently in first place, if for no other reason than it makes me feel like we are in some sort of Bizzaro alternate universe.

HOLY COW! Manny beats out a grounder to short for an infield hit. No, now the scoring is changed to an error on Rays’ SS Jason Bartlett. That is probably the right call.

8:57: Another special report from Sam Adams.

9pm: The polls close in South Dakota and this is the moment: NBC News is projecting that Obama has secured the necessary delegates and is the nominee. That news is tempered somewhat by the ominous “Too Early to Call” in regards to the result there.

9:08: Keith Olbermann and Tom Brokaw compare this to the moment we first landed on the moon. I’m not sure I would go that far—but I also did not live through the strife of the 1960’s. Different generations are going to view this from quite different perspectives.

Meanwhile, at Fenway: Masterson is all done after six solid innings. Manny Delcarmen comes into start the 7th and promptly gives up a 4 pitch walk. Oh boy…

9:17: Andrea Mitchell reports that “senior Clinton advisors” are telling her Hillary wants a private meeting with Obama to discuss the VP job. Matthews, Olbermann, and myself all have the same reaction: “This is obviously a leak, Andrea. Why would they be telling you this if they actually wanted a private meeting?” Mitchell, to say the least, is PISSED. This news was the result of her hard work reporting—not because of a choreographed press leak. Keep telling yourself that Andrea.

9:22: Clinton is the projected winner in South Dakota. I begin to cringe but then realize the silver lining in that news:

THAT IS THE LAST TIME WE WILL HAVE TO HEAR THAT!!!

9:28: Terry McAuliffe is the warm-up act for Hillary in NYC. Well, that serves this crowd right. Somehow McAuliffe or Clinton blows the cue, and there is an awkward 45 second delay between when he introduces her as “The Next President of the United States” and when the Clintons emerge from behind the curtain. As much I dislike Clinton, I’m happy to blame this one on McAuliffe.

9:32: She congratulates Obama and asks her supporters to recognize his accomplishment—but never refers to him as the nominee nor describes exactly what accomplishment she is referring to. Now it becomes clear why this speech is being given in a basement, two floors below street level, out of cell phone range and without television monitors. Hillary is pretending she has not lost, and she has sealed off communications to and from the room so many in the audience are none the wiser. This is a move worthy of Stalin. Are we looking at New York City or North Korea? Baruch College or Burma?

Then it is back to the popular vote and attacking the media. She will not concede—ever. Not in any dignified manner. She has lost that opportunity tonight. Any concession she issues from here on out will be to control the damage to her reputation, whatever little there may be left of it. This performance is an embarrassment to her supporters, to her staff, and to herself. Hillary Clinton is fortunate this night that she is immune to feeling shame.

9:41: She is talking about all the closed factories and the jobs shipped overseas, but makes no mention of NAFTA or her husband’s role in it. This truly is a speech better suited for Fantasy Land.

9:48: Alright, I’m officially calling BULLSHIT: I don’t for a second believe this story about the little boy in Kentucky selling his bicycle and video games so he can donate the money to her campaign. Not for one second.

She wraps up by announcing that she will make no decision on her future tonight. No class or sense of decency and decorum. None.

Meanwhile, at Fenway: Papelbon is in for the 9th with the Sox still up 7-4. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I could listen to Clinton no longer.

10pm: The Rays go down in order in the 9th, and strike 3 is called just as the polls close in Montana. Obama is immediately the predicted winner. This is further proof of the age old adage: Big Sky country loves a guy named Barack.

10:10: The nominee speaks in St. Paul, notable for being the very sight of the GOP convention in August. This is a brilliant move. The room is literally throbbing with listeners, some estimates are as high as 17,000, and John McCain on his best day will be unable to recreate it. St. Paul just became Obama country.

He thanks his wife, his daughter, his volunteers, his staff…and finally his grandmother. His affection and reverence for her comes across so clearly, so genuinely. I almost get a little choked up. Almost. He lavishes praise on Hillary (the classy move) and McCain (the smart move). The time to attack the latter will come soon enough—for now it is more effective to link him to Bush, to the faltering economy, to the war, and to the past.

Money quote: “We call ourselves Democrats, we call ourselves Republicans, but we are Americans first. We are always Americans first.”

10:45: Obama wraps up to thunderous applause. He was on tonight in a way he hasn’t been for the last few months. He rocked that room. It might have a little something to do with the knowledge that somehow, finally, he will be rid of the Clintons. I think we can all understand that.

It should also be noted that of the three speeches we saw tonight, his was the only one that came across as being presidential. McCain stumbled badly, and Clinton’s will always be remembered for its ugliness and her selfishness.

Bring on the general election! Finally, after six long months of left vs. left and right vs. right, finally, let us get into Red vs. Blue.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Froma Harrop

Below is my response to Froma Harrop of the Providence Journal who concludes her latest diatribe against Barack Obama and any candidate not named Hillary Clinton this morning with the following:

“Indeed. McCain in '08 has suddenly become a more likely prospect.”

You can read the entire article here. Harrop has been beating this drum slowly for months, maintaining the fallacy that any fault in strategy or conduct by Clinton campaign could not be to blame for their looming defeat. Only sexism, and the mistreatment of American women by Barack Obama, could be to blame.

It is already a tired and played out argument, and even more importantly it is untrue…but it isn’t going away anytime soon. And it may just turn out to be exactly what John McCain needs to pick up where George Bush is going to leave off on January 20th, 2009.

____________________________________________



"Indeed. McCain in '08 has suddenly become a more likely prospect."

These women should be embarrassed to make this argument. When John McCain is nominating Supreme Court Justices they will have no one to blame but themselves. They are knowingly and willfully selling every woman in this country who may find herself in need of a safe and legal abortion down the proverbial river.

And for what?

NOTHING was taken from Hillary Clinton. She ran a terribly shortsighted campaign and lost because of it. Her supporters act as if the door to the presidency should have been held open for her. That is not feminism.

Martha Burke and Geraldine Ferraro, to name two, have proven themselves throughout this campaign to be no better than Al Sharpton or Louis Farrakhan--whipping up old gender battles to serve their purposes and help their candidate. Ferraro's cries of sexism have been as blatant and phony as Sharpton's cries of racism. Those tactics may be effective, but they are a far cry from being presidential.

Remember this, Froma: Clinton walloped Obama here is Massachusetts, but was able to win neither Wellesley nor Northampton in the process. The next generation of American women is so much better than this.

Sincerely,

Jim Viall
Brighton, MA

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Thoughts and Observations: Puerto Rico Edition

Flipping channels in between innings of the Sox game on a Sunday afternoon and what do you find…

3pm: The polls have closed in the territory of Puerto Rico! As expected, Senator Hillary Clinton is your winner. And the margin is big.

Matthews, Olbermann, Russert, Norah, Buchanan, the entire cast has been called in for this. I must ask…why?

3:02: Tim Russert: This result today means absolutely, positively, less than nothing. (That is me paraphrasing. He says it much more eloquently, but you get the idea. Do the Clintons?)

So…Puerto Rico can vote in the primary but not in the general election? WTF? Who came up with these ridiculous rules? Can we trust the Democrats to rule? I really have my doubts.

Russert raises the obvious and at the same time scary hypothetical question: If Obama passes on Hillary as VP, does John McCain himself look to a woman in order to pour gas on this fire? This is the question that should be on every Democrat’s mind. Hillary cannot be trusted on the ticket, but can her supporters be trusted if she is off it? Geraldine Ferraro would have American women embark on a suicide mission to vote for McCain in spite of Barack Obama, a mission that at the same time would eventually condemn every American woman who finds herself in need of a safe, legal, and rare abortion. Hillary’s cause has nothing to do with feminism—and shame on any so-called feminist who claims otherwise. You are embarrassing yourselves.

3:10: Live from San Juan, it’s Clinton campaign chairman Terry McAuliffe! DEAR GOD WHY? Can I justify drinking at this hour of the afternoon?

Meanwhile, in Baltimore: Manny hits homerun number 501, almost to the exact spot where he cranked number 500 last night. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Manny Ramirez is the most entertaining athlete of my lifetime. No one before him has combined talent and goofiness quite the same way. You honestly never know what he is going to do. A great play is always just as likely as a boneheaded screw up.

Meanwhile, in San Juan: I flip back just in time to hear McAuliffe whip out the third person. “Don’t take Terry McAuliffe’s word for it.” Good advice Terry—I sure won’t. He accuses MSNBC of being eager to “pop corks” for an Obama win…and follows that up by refusing to promise Hillary will make any sort of concession speech once Barack reaches the magic number of 2118 delegates. The Hillary Clinton campaign…its FANtastic!

3:18: Charlie the dog has to pee. We’re off to the backyard.

3:21: We’re back, and the dog has an empty bladder.

3:30: Chuck Todd is here and he has the latest delegate math! Official NBC tabulations have Obama within 50 delegates of the nomination. Is that light at the end of this tunnel or only a reflection off the snake oil Terry McAuliffe is peddling? We may never know.

3:34: Matthews and Olbermann share a laugh about the Philadelphia Phillies’ late season collapse in 1964. Yes, that is the kind of keen political analysis you get when Puerto Rico goes to the polls.

3:37: It’s the panel! Rachel Maddow makes the case that Hillary’s popular vote argument is, in a word, crap. She is ahead in the popular vote only if you don’t count the caucuses in Washington, Maine, Guam, the Virgin Islands, and of the mysterious “Democrats Abroad”—all contests won by Senator Obama. The money quote: “It’s absurd!”

Pat Buchanan’s rebuttal: “You are whistling past the graveyard” and “Democrats everywhere better stock up on booze for November.” I hear you, Patrick. Loud and clear.

3:45: Russert is back, and his prognostication for Clinton is grim: “The Clintons have 48 hours to enjoy this victory and to play up the popular vote. By Wednesday morning this thing is going to be over. The math is the math.” That makes sense. I’d like to think the Clintons know that. I’d like to, but…

3:52: Ohio Congresswoman and Clintonista Stephanie Tubbs Jones makes an appearance. I knew nothing of Jones before this campaign began, and recently I’ve discovered that I was quite happier that way. True to form, she attacks Matthews for failing to give Clinton, “the respect she deserves following her tremendous victory in Puerto Rico.” I’m shaking my head in disbelief that even a Clinton partisan could describe winning Puerto Rico as a “tremendous victory”. Then we’re quickly back to the tired talking point arguments about the (no-longer) disputed Michigan primary. This interview was both pathetic and embarrassing, and it was almost enough to make me feel sorry for Rep. Jones. Almost.

4pm: BREAKING NEWS: Senator Obama has called Senator Clinton to congratulate her on her (tremendous) victory in Puerto Rico. This is a classy move—Clinton and McAuliffe should take notes.

4:17: Obama addresses his supporters at the Corn Palace in Mitchell, South Dakota. Honest to god.

He congratulates Clinton on her victory but stops short of calling it “tremendous.” Obama urges the crowd to do the same and is given an icy silence in return. I don’t get the sense that these internal party rifts are going to be healed anytime soon.

Meanwhile, in Baltimore: Manny gets doubled up on a fly ball to the outfield. What was I saying earlier about boneheaded plays?

4:33: Obama is still talking at the Corn Palace. We’ve gotten the greatest hits so far: The gas tax holiday is bullshit, free trade should be fair trade, my healthcare plan is better, and Geraldine Ferraro is a jackass. Alright…I made that last one up.

4:41: It is all over in Baltimore. Sox win! Sox win! Sox win! And Bartolo Colon has returned from the scrap heap to quietly go 3-0. I’ll take it.

4:45: Obama wraps up his remarks. This became a good speech at the end. He told a funny story about meeting a lady from the Greenville (SD?) city council who is known locally for her ability to always start a chant. Not knowing this, he had no idea how to react when she looked at him, smiled, and yelled, “FIRE IT UP!” You know…I would not quite know how to take that either.

Matthews seizes on his early use of the word “entitlement” as a not-so-veiled shot at Clinton. And he’s probably right, but at this point I would argue that no one can take too many not-so-veiled shots at Hillary Clinton. In fact, we should all make it a point to take a not-so-veiled shot at Clinton. I’ll go first:

Obviously, I think we would all agree that Senator Clinton should be respected for running such a tough campaign. If, you know, we discount the fact that she blew such a commanding early lead. Or that she has so badly mismanaged her finances that there may be legitimate charges of fraud coming. Or that her campaign displayed absolutely no ability to control Bill Clinton. Or that they had no plan after February 5th other than to play the victim, race-bait, and cry sexism. But other than that, sure, she ran a fantastic campaign and deserves our respect.

Yeah…maybe just using the word entitlement is a bit more veiled than that. Opinions, no doubt, will vary.

4:51: Obama supporter David Boniol arrives just in time to deliver the line of the day in the form of an Abbot and Costello reference:

Abbot: “If you have $50 in one pocket and $100 in the other, what do you have?”

Costello: “Somebody else’s pants!”

Seriously, Puerto Rico should vote more often.

5pm: The news breaks that Senator Clinton is scheduled to speak at 5:15. Lucky for me I don’t plan on sticking around that long. This has already been two hours of my life I’ll never have back.

Back on Tuesday for South Dakota and Montana and, finally, the end of this primary season.